


shameless

by mayadrinkswater



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:20:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25547329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayadrinkswater/pseuds/mayadrinkswater
Summary: camila's song shameless is about lauren (i don't think it is, but it CAN and that's all i need)
Relationships: Camila Cabello & Lauren Jauregui, Camila Cabello/Lauren Jauregui
Kudos: 66





	shameless

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to post something for 7/27 and it's the first couple of parts to a songfic for shameless  
> i'm really enjoying writing it :)  
> also, while this is based on real-life, i highly doubt that any of it happened. enjoy regardless.

**march 2014**

Camila messed with her fingers as she and Dinah stood in line for McDonald’s at a rest stop. Lauren and Normani had gone to get some other food, presumably something much less greasy than McDonald’s, and Ally was in the bathroom.

“So, Mila, when were you going to tell me that you’re hopelessly crushing on Lauser?” Dinah said, and Camila could swear that her blood ran cold in her body.

She bit back any fear and responded with her most calm sounding, “What do you mean?”

“Listen, I know Lauren’s hot, I have eyes, and I understand being like, _holy shit_ , but you look at her like you just want to…” Camila watched as Dinah thought of how to word her next part tastefully, even though she knew exactly what Dinah wanted to say. “For lack of better words, you look at her like you want to fuck her brains out.”

Camila felt her face go red and her eyes widen and was suddenly very happy that she was wearing sunglasses and a hat and ducked her head so Dinah couldn’t see her.

However, the ducking her head was enough, because Dinah followed her reaction with a hushed, “I _fucking knew it_. No wonder the fans call me the captain!”

Camila choked on her spit at that comment, she knew that Dinah was invested in the fan side of things, but not _that_ much. Camila and Lauren had only found out about that because they scrolled a little too far on Twitter one night and were immediately horrified. They knew that it’d gone kind of far, but they didn’t notice that it’d gone _that_ far.

Dinah went quiet along with Camila, and in a calmer voice, she asked, “You know that I don’t mind, right? There’s a reason so many people ship you two and I honestly think that you stand a chance.”

Camila almost wanted to laugh at that one, she knew it wasn’t true. However, she forced a smile and thanked Dinah for seeing something that everyone but Lauren could see.

Dinah knew she was bullshitting, but all she did was hug her best friend before stepping forward in line once again.

**april 2014**

Ally went to the bathroom, and Camila found herself with Lauren, alone. That hadn’t really happened in a couple of months. Camila knew why, she’d seen how _Camren_ had blown up recently and how wide-eyed Lauren got when they all of a sudden came across _fanfiction_ of the two of them.

To be fair, Camila almost shit herself right there. That was something that she never predicted would happen to her. (Especially with another girl.)

She couldn’t say that she hated it, though, she had had a quiet crush on the emerald-eyed girl for quite some time, not that she’d ever been one to admit it. Not because of the whole _gay_ thing, but because she overheard Lauren’s rants to Normani in hushed panic in the back of the tour bus about people thinking she was gay when she was “so obviously straight.”

Camila laughed at that one.

However, something was different in Lauren’s eyes tonight, and it wasn’t just the redness from her crying of excitement at finally seeing _The 1975_ in person. Some kind of unrecognizable glint was in her eyes.

Camila didn’t understand it until Lauren was kissing her.

Of course, she kissed back, and it was way better than she could’ve ever thought of.

Lauren finally looked like she was calm again, but the panic was back the next morning.

And instead of hushed whispers with Normani about how she’s not gay, they were hushed whispers about how feelings would tear the group apart.

(That should’ve been the first red flag.)

**july 2020**

Camila knew it wasn’t going to go over cleanly when their managers came around at the height of Camila and Lauren’s relationship.

It’d been three months since Lauren and Camila kissed for the first time and honestly, Camila didn’t know. She and Lauren were texting back and forth about sneaking into Lauren’s bunk and doing things a little less than PG, but when Lauren crawled into her bunk with Camila already inside, she warned Camila that there was a camera guy floating around.

“We just have to be quiet,” Lauren said, and Camila nodded along, a stupid smirk on her face.

“Baby, I’m not the one that we have to worry about when it comes to being quiet.” Camila whispered into the shell of the older girl’s ear, making her face flush red. She gently kissed the corner of Lauren’s mouth, “You need to be quiet, okay?”

Lauren nodded, and while Camila thought that maybe they were a tinge too loud at points, she assumed that anything that brought attention to Camila and Lauren would be cut out, as per usual.

That shifted when the video came out and Camila was justifiably mortified. Her face after stumbling out of the bunk? How could she have looked more suspicious? (And Normani’s face told stories that they could never share with their young fanbase.)

Despite the mortification of the video, she was proud of the hickey that she left on Lauren’s neck that night, dark purple and painful, but at the same time more meaningful than any piece of jewelry.

**december 2014**

Camila felt her entire body wrack with anxiety as her mother’s concerned eyes watched her. She knew that her mother was aware that something was wrong, Sinu could read her like a picture book.

“Mija, you’re acting like you’re about to tell me that you killed someone.” She said, maybe trying to lighten the mood, but Camila couldn’t focus on that.

They’d just gotten home after doing stuff with the girls in Los Angeles, and she knew as soon as she stepped back into her house that the air had shifted and she finally had to tell her mother.

“Camila…”

“I’m gay,” She blurted out before she could think any harder about the subject. “I… I’m gay, and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but I-” She cut herself off, feeling the tears track down her face again, her voice broke as she uttered it one more time, “I’m gay.”

She’d said it out loud a couple of times before right now, first to herself maybe a million times in the mirror in some bathroom at a McDonalds, then to Dinah. Dinah already knew, she’d figured out Camila’s crush on Lauren, but surprisingly, saying the two words were a lot harder. (Dinah kept it lighthearted, though, reminding her that nothing’s different, Camila just learned a little more about herself.)

She still hadn’t told Ally or Normani, but they weren’t her biggest worries.

It’d always been Lauren.

However, despite her internal fears about any reaction, her mother shifted over on the couch in their living room and wrapped her arms around her daughter.

The four words that she didn’t really know that she needed from her mother came out, “I love you, Camila.”

For the first time in a long time, a part of her was completely calm, and she was so happy about it.

**august 2015**

“Thought I’d find you out here.” Lauren’s voice filled Camila’s ears, and Camila almost wanted to scoff.

“You were looking for me?” She asked, a slight snip in her tone.

Lauren had been avoiding her for months now, and everyone could sense that there was something up. Camila hated that Lauren had kissed her, everything was thrown out of wack and she just wanted to go back to the X-Factor days where she could hug Lauren without fearing the older girl’s reaction.

“Well yeah,” Lauren shrugged, standing next to her on the balcony, “I woke up and your lump wasn’t in your bed.”

Camila bit back a laugh at the _lump_ comment, and instead found herself saying, “Why do you hate me?”

Lauren scrunched her nose, confused, “I don’t hate you, Camila.”

“Then why did you _fucking_ kiss me and we never talked about it?” Camila asked, her voice quiet but still very much there. “Did you assume that I didn’t have any feelings about it or something? Because I do. I have feelings, Lauren.”

Camila could tell by Lauren’s expression that she didn’t expect that, and before she could retaliate Camila continued, “Three years ago you and I were best friends, you had your own special nickname for me that I now only see fans use and we used to hang out during breaks when we were in Miami. And at some point, it just _changed_. Everything fucking changed.”

Camila watched Lauren swallow before replying, “For the record, I don’t hate you, I don’t think I ever could.”

She paused, and it was almost as if Camila watched the cogs turn in her head as she formulated a response, “I should not have kissed you. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because I… I’m just not ready… for anything.”

She wanted to roll her eyes at that, but before she could craft a better response, she retaliated with, “That doesn’t change the fact that you fucking kissed me or that I want you, and it _especially_ doesn’t change the fact that I’m in love with you.”

Camila looked almost as surprised as Lauren at the confession.

They were both quiet after that.

**november 2015**

Whoever decided that putting her and Lauren in a hotel room together while also knowing that there was a lot of tension in between them was an idiot, Camila decided. 

Since getting there, no words had been exchanged, although they both knew that they were going to something with the girls in a few hours.

Camila decided that she might as well write, however, any lyrics that she came up with seemed to revolve around wanting to pop Lauren’s head like a zit. So, she instead went out on the balcony and called her mother, pissed that she was stuck in _Europe_ with one of her supposed best friends that couldn’t bear to speak to her.

After complaining for a good half hour and then also talking to Sofi, she put her phone back in her pocket and looked out on the town, which was lazily bustling with people and a few stray cars. Her peace was ended when Lauren came out onto the balcony.

“Camila, it’s like, forty degrees out here. Come on in.” Lauren said, holding the door open.

“Since when do you care?” Camila asked, following her inside.

“I care, Camila.” Lauren responded quietly, and although Camila sensed how quiet the older girl was, her anger kept rising in her chest.

“Then please, Lauren, all I’m asking is that you act like it instead of leaving me to burn constantly.” Camila pleaded.

Lauren squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger, “It’s not that easy, Camila.”

“It’s not that easy to what, Lauren? Say _hello_ ? Say _how are you_ ? How is that such an inconvenience to you because a bunch of thirteen year olds on the internet said so?” Camila retorted, angry now. “Like, seriously, you are all over Mani and Ally and Dinah, so what the hell is the difference with _me_ ? No one can confirm that you like me from a _hug_.”

“Camila, it’s not easy because I am in love with you!” Lauren yelled, startling both of the girls. Silence fell in between them aside from quiet breaths.

It was finally broken by knocking at the door conjoining the two hotel rooms, making both of them jump slightly before Lauren went to get the door, revealing Dinah.

“Are you two okay? I heard yelling in here.” She peaked her head in, a worried look worn on her face.

“We’re fine,” Lauren said quietly, Camila knew that Lauren had a soft spot for Dinah.

“Alright, well, we’re heading out in an hour, so get ready.” Dinah replied, “And Mila, check your phone, I sent you something.”

Camila breathed out a barely audible _okay_ before Dinah bid her goodbyes and left Camila and Lauren in the room, avoiding looking at each other.

“You’re in love with me.” Camila stated, as if she were trying to process it. “And I’m in love with you.”

Lauren nodded, “Yeah.”

“So now what?” Camila asked, meeting Lauren’s scared eyes.

“I don’t know.” Lauren said quietly.

They were both quiet for a while after that.

**-**

After they confessed that they were in love with each other, something changed in their dynamic.

They’d gotten off tour and were now recording for their second album, 7/27. That was expected. They were finding songs that they liked (and some that, admittedly, they didn’t), they were spending what felt like hundreds of hours at the studio, and Lauren was persisting that _No Way_ be a song for the album. Everything was pretty typical.

Except, something had shifted between Camila and Lauren. No one really noticed it, all they did notice was that the cold shoulders that the two were giving each other were gone and no one questioned it.

Everything was going fine until Dinah caught them.

The thing that shifted in between them was a fresh exchange of kissing. A _lot_ of kissing. Neither of them were ready for an actual relationship, that’d been established already, but they were, at the end of the day, two teenagers.

Lauren loved kissing Camila and Camila loved kissing Lauren. Lauren and Camila also loved exchanging hickeys that wouldn’t show unless they were wearing revealing clothing.

And it was when Camila had Lauren pressed up against a sink in the women’s bathroom that Dinah walked in and her jaw dropped.

“Uh… didn’t realize that this was the porno room.”

Camila’s face turned bright red and the two girls hurdled across the room to get away from each other, “Dinah--”

“No… um, listen, it’s cool. Just… not in such a public place next time. You know that Ally can’t lie for shit.” Dinah warned, “Uh… yeah, how much longer are you two going to be in here?”

Lauren was still shocked into silence, and Camila muttered out, “I’ll go now.”

The tension was thick after that, but unlike every time before, the kissing continued, until it stopped.

**december 2015**

“This movie fucking sucks,” Camila whined, leaning back in her hotel bed, huffing.

“ _You_ picked it,” Dinah retorted, flicking a hairtie at her best friend. “Be glad I’m not Lauren or you’d be watching a horror movie right now.”

“No, she swore that she wouldn’t do that again after I was scared shitless last time,” Camila responded, sitting back up and rifling through the small bag of snacks she’d acquired at the convenience store down the road from the hotel (she and Dinah snuck out, don’t tell anyone.)

It’s quiet for a minute before Dinah spoke again, “I know that it’s a shitty topic, but sleepovers are kind of for gossip, so I’m going to ask. What the hell is going on with you and Lauren?”

Camila swallowed, because really, what the hell _was_ going on between her and Lauren?

“I like her,” Camila said, trying to find the right words, “and she likes me.”

Dinah was quiet for a minute before groaning, “Okay, and?”

“That’s it.” Camila sighed, “That’s literally all there is to it. She hasn’t kissed me since before we finished recording 7/27, which was like a week after you caught us. I think that that’s when she met Lucy again.”

“Walz…”

“No, it’s okay.” Camila shrugged, “We’re both aware of it, but it’s not like the label will be like, _wow, gay love! So amazing! Please come out asap!_ ” 

Dinah was quiet, looking at Camila, whose face was lit only by the paused TV, “I’m sorry, Walz, honestly. I know that you two have liked each other for a while… and you’re both my best friends. I just want you guys to be happy.”

Camila nodded, ripping open a bag of Takis, “Have you thought about what’d happen if Lauren and I came out?”

Camila watched Dinah grin under the dim light of the TV, “You two would be one hell of a power couple, Mila, no matter what the industry thinks. Do you even know how many people ship you two?”

Camila smiled slightly, “If I don’t, Lauren sure as hell has a good idea of how many people do.”

Dinah sighed, “I don’t know how you haven’t kicked her ass yet.”

Camila thought about it for a second. _I’m in love with her_ sat on the tip of her tongue, but what came spilling out instead was, “She’s Lauren.”

**year of 2015**

This dream was recurring for Camila.

In the dream, it was her and Lauren. Always just her and Lauren.

They were among a sea of pillows and comforters, their bodies bare aside from maybe a thin layer of sweat. (Camila spent a long time knowing what had caused that to get there and hated herself for thinking of her best friend in this way.)

Lauren wore this particularly elated smile and this serene look in her eyes. The calm that Camila had seen the night of their first kiss was eternal in this dream world that Camila’s mind had created.

Lauren was calm, their bodies were tangled together so that as much of their skin touched each other as possible. Lauren let Camila run her hands through her dark hair, Camila let Lauren trace designs on the skin of her stomach.

The only problem was that it was a dream. A beautiful dream that she kept having and kept waking up from.

She’d wake up in a world where Lauren obviously tracked every movement that she made around Camila, a world where Lauren’s walls were higher than Camila could ever dream of climbing, a world where her gayness being exposed would change things for the rest of not only her career but the careers of her best friends in the entire world.

She’d be damned if she said it wasn’t a great dream, though.

**july 2016**

The last kiss happened by surprise.

Camila was sitting on the hotel room’s bathroom floor while the girls got intoxicated (well, mainly Lauren). She hated parties in general, especially now that parties involved alcohol and stupid mistakes as a result of that.

She was writing songs, as she found herself doing a lot these days. Things with the girls were awkward most days, especially between her and Lauren, although things had been like that for a long time now. The song she was working on that night was _Only Told the Moon_ , and even though she’d recorded most of it in the confines of a bathroom, she liked the rough cut of it.

That was all interrupted, however, when there was a lazy knock at her door.

She crinkled her nose and stood up, confused, _who the hell is coming here at this time of night?_

Nonetheless, she opened the door and saw Lauren there, her bright green eyes glassed over slightly, and Camila could already tell that she was drunk.

“ _Camz_ ,” Lauren gave her a dopey grin, “hi.”

“What’s up, Lauren?” Camila asked, wedging her body between the door and the doorframe, making sure it wouldn’t lock her out.

“I…” Lauren scrunched her nose, “don’t really know. I do know that you’re really pretty, though. Had to come up here and make sure you’re like… real.”

Camila stayed silent, knowing Lauren’s intoxicated. No sober Lauren would say this to her face.

“ _Camz_ ,” Lauren whined, and Camila felt her heart speed up at the nickname, “Say something. Are you real?”

“I’m real, Lo,” Camila replied quietly, still trying to figure out what was swarming through Lauren’s drunken thoughts. “How drunk are you right now?”

“Um…” Lauren sighed, “Less drunk than I was the last time I got drunk.”

Camila ducked her head back inside for a second to see her keycard within a couple of feet of where she was standing, “What room are you in?”

Lauren giggled, “I don’t know.”

Camila swore she could feel herself catapult back in time with that comment, but pushed that thought to the back of her head. Tonight, she was rooming with Dinah, and she knows that Dinah wouldn’t mind having Lauren around, so she let Lauren in.

“Go lay down on the bed, I’m going to get you some water,” Camila ordered, grabbing her keycard and watching as Lauren stumbled over to the bed and laid on top of all of the blankets.

She returned with two cold water bottles from the vending machine a few minutes later and saw Lauren now sitting up on the bed, her legs crossed and staring at her hands in her lap.

“Here,” Camila gave her the water bottle, and when Lauren picked up her head, Camila could see the emptiest look on her face.

“You know that I don’t hate you, right? Even after our… fight?” Lauren asked, and Camila felt her heart break all over again at the look on Lauren’s face.

“I know that.” She replied with a whisper.

They were quiet for a minute, just looking at each other, and then it happened.

A simple gentle kiss with raw feelings settled in between it.

Something told both of them that this was going to be it for a while, even though no words were exchanged.

When Camila woke up the next morning, Lauren was gone, and she couldn’t say that she wasn’t surprised.

**august 2016**

Lucy came around at some point, Camila didn’t remember an exact date or month, everything blurred together in a blob of sadness and overbooked days during the 7/27 tour. 

Lauren had already made the girls aware of Lucy. She was described as one of Lauren’s best friends since middle school and a chill human being as long as you didn’t piss her off. Camila also knew by some of the ways that Lauren described her that Lucy was somewhere on the gay spectrum.

So, in her jealous stupor, before ever meeting _Lucy_ , Camila made it a mission to hate her.

That was really hard, as Camila quickly learned. Lucy was chilled out, Lucy was funny, Lucy was easy to get along with, Lucy didn’t hate her even though Camila had straight-up made out with Lauren multiple times not even a year ago.

Camila knew that Lucy knew about _Camren_ , first of all, because at this point, who didn’t, and second of all, because she gave Camila a look filled with a whole lot of pity. So, Camila had one reason to hate her to begin with, which was Lucy was Lauren’s girlfriend (yeah, that was figured out pretty quick when she saw them kiss before a show), and now she had a new one; she pitied Camila. 

That still didn’t cancel Lucy out, she wasn’t brought on to make Camila angry, that much was obvious, but she was invading and cutting the lone strings that Camila had keeping her close to Lauren. Well, maybe not close, but kept them from hating each other, at least.

Camila had to like Lucy. She decided that if she weren’t Camila Cabello, former god-knows-what to Lauren, she’d think that Lauren and Lucy made a good couple. That much was true, Lucy calmed Lauren down and kept her level-headed when otherwise she’d be more irrational, and Camila couldn’t say that it wasn’t appreciated by everyone on tour with them.

So, Camila couldn’t hate Lucy. And that’s what she hated most.

**november 2016**

Camila didn’t expect it when it happened.

It was in the midst of her final month as a member of Fifth Harmony and working on the _Bad Things_ music video, and every day that passed brought on a little more nervousness and a little more excitement.

Photos of Lauren kissing Lucy were all over social media. The photos of who she considered being her first love and another girl kissing were now ingrained into her skull like the most painful tattoo possible.

She couldn’t stop seeing it. Nothing could’ve prepared her for it.

What scared her more than any of this was Lauren’s silence on the entire situation. If there was anything that she knew about Lauren these days it was that Lauren being with Lucy was really enjoyable for her, and she liked not being in the spotlights for once.

Well, the spotlights had arrived.

And Camila couldn’t help but want to text her and ask if she was okay, despite their fight a couple of weeks ago about her leaving Fifth Harmony.

Her stomach didn’t stop churning until she saw Lauren’s statement saying that she was indeed bisexual, and then she felt nothing at all.

She just knew deep down that Lauren didn’t come out for her, and that’s what hurt the most.

**march 2017**

Despite not checking Twitter frequently, she did see _the_ tweet. The one tweet that Lauren sent that made her sick to her stomach and want to disappear off the face of the Earth for maybe forever.

It was all over her timeline and she heard her manager cursing the tweet out amongst other things during a conversation that she was barely paying attention to.

She eventually saw it for herself.

_Lauren Jauregui @LaurenJauregui · March 23rd, 2017_ _  
_ _no, I hate it because it's invasive, scary, delusional, disrespectful to us both and was never real... Ever._

It took all of her willpower to not reply with something snarky talking about how they kissed, how they had conversations about pursuing a relationship, and how she was blatantly lying to people to fit some kind of narrative.

She wanted to call Lauren and scream her lungs out about how it _was_ very real for her and still continues to be real every time she sees Lauren’s face pop up somewhere. (Somedays, she feels like those green eyes follow her everywhere.)

But, she bit her tongue, she choked back the tears, she took a deep breath, and she stopped thinking about it.

Lauren hated her, anyway.

**april 2017**

There was something so intoxicating about Lauren with Camila. Sometimes, she found herself wanting to praise the fans that picked up on the small things on social media that she was uncertain about because they affirmed that maybe - just maybe - she wasn’t crazy.

(Of course, that was shut down when Lauren called everyone delusional not a year later.)

She always felt lucky when Lauren’s insanely green eyes would fall on her. Especially when those glances would fall with months in between them instead of minutes.

There were more kisses in 2016 that she remembered every bit of until she didn’t anymore. She knew that when they happened she thought she was dreaming (she wasn’t), she knew that when they happened she stopped breathing and forgot how to do it again for an hour afterward, she knew that Lauren’s calm face when she kissed Camila as if she’d finally done something right would be gone the second they weren’t in the same six inches of space anymore.

However, despite knowing everything, despite knowing that all happened and that those were real emotions, something she never felt around Austin or Matthew or even Shawn, the memories faded.

She didn’t remember anymore how it felt to kiss Lauren.

And all she wanted was to know what it felt like one last time.

**august 2018**

Camila loved Miami. She found that it was the one place where she had control of her environment, she didn’t feel like _Camila Cabello_ , she felt _normal_.

So, when her mother sent her out on errands and the grocery store closest to her house was out of something very specific that her mother wanted, she crossed town to her second favorite grocery store.

After a few minutes of meandering through the aisles, she found herself in the snack aisle. Her breath caught in her throat, however, when she looked up from the assortment of _Doritos_ and saw _Lauren Jauregui_. In the flesh and blood.

It wasn’t like it was never going to happen, the two live in the same city primarily. Camila just didn’t expect it when she watched it happen, and before she could make a snap-judgment and scurry off until Lauren was far, far away, she stared a little too long and Lauren looked back at her.

Camila hadn’t seen Lauren in person since the day she left, she hadn’t seen any of the girls since then except for Normani a couple of months back during the Billboard Music Awards. 

While not much had changed in Lauren’s physical attributes (and any changes were definitely not negative, holy shit was she still hot), her eyes were a different story. Eyes that used to look at Camila with some kind of indescribable gentleness were now confused and maybe a bit sad. All Camila knew, really, was that she didn’t like the look that she was given.

“Camila?” She finally spoke up, which was way more than Camila was expecting, honestly she expected Lauren to ignore her all together - Lauren had gotten really good at that by the end of their relationship. 

Camila, although she felt like any response got caught in her throat, responded, “Um… hi Lauren.”

The two both seemed speechless, however, Camila broke quickly, “I’m just here getting groceries, I… yeah, nice seeing you.”

“Sorry,” Lauren paused, “I just… didn’t expect to see you.” Another pause, the awkwardness was thick in the air, “I’m sorry, I don’t exactly want to do this in a grocery store and I have somewhere to be, so if you want to… I could reach out to you another time.”

Camila’s heart thumped loudly in her chest, and she pushed a small smile, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Lauren didn’t hate her after all.

**amas 2018**

The night of the AMAs, the two ended up in a hotel room together. Camila was exhausted beyond belief but she just kept listening and responding to everything that Lauren was saying.

The conversation finally turned from catching up and Lauren’s involvement in politics and the upcoming election to them, where would this go, does this go anywhere, etcetera.

“Are you ever going to come out?” Lauren asked after a while, her gaze curious.

Camila shrugged, picking at the leftover dessert on the plate on her lap, “Well, I’m supposedly dating Matthew Hussey right now, although I didn’t know that that happened.”

Lauren let out a light laugh, but Camila continued, “I don’t think that it’ll be anytime soon. Especially because now I’m starting on my second album because if I don’t release music every minute then I’ll become irrelevant or something.”

“What’s the next album?” Lauren asked, her interest now piqued.

Camila grinned and sarcastically replied, “I’m not telling you. You’ll leak it and there won’t be the _wow_ factor.”

“Yes, I’ll leak it to everyone I know, and all they’ll care about is _you talked to Camila Cabello? Since when? You two fucking? That’s hot, but lesbians are gross._ ” Lauren replied, both girls now going quiet at the topic that’d been lingering in the back of their heads finally being brought up.

“You’re dating Matthew right now, at least… people think you are.” Lauren started, “and people think I’m dating Ty.”

Camila crinkled her nose, “You’re not?”

“I mean… we’re not not dating.” Lauren shrugged, “It’s complicated.”

Camila nodded, putting the now empty dessert dish on the nightstand, “Either way, it’s not the time, yet… but I’d like to keep in contact. You let me know how your life is going and I’ll whine about not having a bushel of bananas at my disposal 24/7.”

Lauren smiled, “In the future, though?”

Camila smiled back, creeping close to Lauren on the bed and hugging her, “Yes.”

**september 2019**

**_lauren [10:34 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_Right now I’m SHAMEEEELESSSSS!_ **

_camila [10:35 pm]_ _  
_ _o so you did hear it_

**_lauren [10:35 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_Ofc I did_ **

**_lauren [10:36 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_Did you really write the entire thing in 30 minutes?_ **

_camila [10:37 pm]_ _  
_ _not all of it but a good portion of it_

_camila [10:37 pm]_ _  
_ _glad you like it tho ;)))))_

**_lauren [10:38 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_I loved it_ **

**_lauren [10:39 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_What’re you up to right now_ **

_camila [10:39 pm]_ _  
_ _my mom thinks that we’re watching tv together if that tells you anything_

**_lauren [10:40 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_Gotcha_ **

_camila [10:42 pm]_ _  
_ _what’re YOU up to right now_

**_lauren [10:43 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_I was texting Dinah before she had to go and I texted you, other than that there’s some movie playing on my TV but I’m not watching it._ **

_camila [10:43 pm]_ _  
_ _….how’s she?_

**_lauren [10:44 pm]_ ** _  
_ **_Why don’t you just text her? Her number hasn’t changed and even if it had I’d give it to you._ **

_camila [10:44 pm]_ _  
_ _i’m a chicken?? does that work?_

**_lauren [10:45 pm]_ ** **_  
_** **_Dinah doesn’t hate you. Just reach out._ **

**november 2019**

Shawn was easy for Camila. He was charming, he was funny, he wasn’t ugly, the general public liked him.

She wasn’t surprised when _Shawmila_ became a thing, people supported her and Austin together, so they might as well have supported her and a plastic bag. However, Shawn was a way better option for dating than Austin ever was.

That’s all he was, though, a dating option (well, really just a best friend). Nothing really felt as if it went past that, and she went so far as to consider him a brother. Because he _was_ like a little brother to her, despite knowing that he probably would not agree on that front.

He was good, especially because when Camila was sulking because of _Camren_ one night, he asked what was wrong and let her rant for a half-hour about everything wrong with her and Lauren’s friendship and how she missed being able to hug her best friend and not have to worry about Lauren’s reaction to the shippers. 

Shawn was easy for Camila.

He stopped being easy when _Señorita_ was proposed along with a relationship.

“Just a few kisses,” they said. “Just a year or so,” they said.

Making out with Shawn was, as it was with any of the other boys she’d ever made out with, okay. Kind of sloppy, kind of gross, and maybe sometimes a little fun if they did it right, but none of it was like kissing Lauren. She might not have remembered much about it by that point, but she did remember that it was way better than making out with a boy.

She just couldn’t help but be more miserable as time went on, wishing that Lauren was by her side instead of Shawn.

**february 2020**

Her friendship with Lauren was simultaneously the best and worst thing to happen to her.

It was great because aside from occasional texts with Normani, she had a connection with people that she considered her best friends again (even though she still was too much of a chicken to reach out to Dinah or Ally again, Dinah because she feared rejection and Ally because although small, Ally was pissed at her when she left and a mad Ally was a scary Ally). Lauren also was so much calmer than she used to be when their “relationship” started to crumble and open with Camila, which only made their bond stronger despite them not spending every waking moment within two feet of each other like they used to.

However, it sucked. It sucked because despite wanting to (and having the ability to), they never got to see each other. She missed being able to hang out with Lauren whenever she wanted and it not being a national emergency (okay, maybe she’s exaggerating, but she’s also not wrong). It also sucked because most of the time, they were twenty minutes away from each other and Lauren could so easily go to Camila’s house.

It also scared her for what was to come when eventually they did come forward about stuff (truthfully, she’d prefer to keep it in the dark, but they’re two celebrities, someone’s going to find out and make a deal about it).

She had plans for coming out (when the time was right) and she was gradually getting more impatient and more wishing she could just post something stupid about her and Lauren, not like an announcement saying “we’re friends again” but something with Lauren that didn’t make a big deal of anything. (Of course, she was aware that, yes, it would be a big deal.)

Truthfully, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t close to sharing something funny that involved Lauren, but out of pure fear of the backlash of her bosses, she stopped. 

_“We can make or break your career.”_

Try _not_ being scared of them.

**april 2020**

Camila thinks that her words meant a whole lot of nothing when she wasn’t also following them.

She’d go and tell her fans to live their truths and then turn around and make out with a guy like it was second nature, even though she really didn’t appreciate anything about them.

Like, yeah, Austin was okay at first because, _wow, someone likes me_ , but that quickly lost its charm. And after that it was Michael, who was only interesting because he looked like he maybe had a few good stories up his sleeve, which again, quickly lost their charm. After that it was Matthew, whose accent was fun for maybe five seconds until she listened to what he was saying and immediately wanted him to shut up (maybe there was a positive in having to make out with him, he finally stopped talking). And now it’s Shawn, who didn’t lose his charm much aside from Camila seeing that he and her worked way better as friends than they did as boyfriend/girlfriend.

So, after six months of the _Shawn-shtick_ , she was done. _Romance_ was coming out, she was going to start filming for _Cinderella_ , and she had a tour right after that. However, how dare Camila not want to be in a relationship when she has an entire album of love songs coming out.

So, in the media’s eyes, she held on, but in her own life, she and Shawn decided that friends was the best route for the two of them.

She kept wanting to just get it over with, come out, maybe finally reuinte with Lauren in public. However, her label told her that that was a hard no, so she just bowed her head and instead pressed on with the interviews chock full of lies and texted Lauren her complaints about bananas just as she promised.

What her label didn’t know, however, was that as soon as they approved, she had a statement ready in her notes explaining that she was indeed gay and proud to be a part of the LGBT community.

(Some things were best left private, though.)

**may 2020**

Camila was terrified of leaks and for good reason. 

It started with her notes, those contained song lyrics and things that could definitely incriminate the image that she was told to portray. The best example of that is any song using female pronouns when she, in the media’s eyes, is _so obviously straight_.

It then moved on to her camera roll, where she had photos. Thousands of photos, ranging from stuff that’d eventually go to her Instagram to stuff that she found funny and wanted to be able to reflect on, and photos of her and the 5H girls despite her last contact with them being almost four years ago.

There are photos of her with Normani from when she saw her recently, but there are more recent photos of her with Lauren, and if anyone ever saw them, she’d be screwed.

She and Lauren didn’t necessarily care about their close friends finding out, Normani’s already known for months and they plan on telling Dinah the full extent of things soon. (Ally’s only excluded because Camila needs to repair things with her in person and currently, they’re in the midst of a _global pandemic_.)

Camila was scared of leaks, and it wasn’t because she was scared about people finding out about Lauren, but it was because she was scared about her management literally killing her (for being in love with a woman, how dare she?).

Things with Lauren were finally easy, who would she be to make that more complicated?

**july 2020**

“Mami, why can’t I just do it?” Camila argued, angry to keep coming back to the same argument.

“Mija, Roger told you that you have to keep the whole gay thing under wraps. Listen to him.” Sinu responded.

“Oh yeah, the whole _gay thing_. Mami, so what if I like girls? It’s not a big fucking deal and if people have a problem with it, I don’t need their fucking support anyway.” Camila retorted, crossing her arms over her chest.

When her mother doesn’t refute that, she grabs her phone off the counter, “I’m going to call Roger and tell him what a fucking _idiot_ he is.”

“Mija-”

“No, Mami,” Camila replied, hitting his contact and then call, “he needs to know where I stand with my own _fucking_ career.”

Sinu sighed, “Stop cursing, Camila.”

“I’m mad,” Camila reasoned before she heard Roger pick up.

“ _Camila, what’s up_?”

“I want to come out.”

Silence is all that’s on the other line before a slightly exasperated, “ _What_?”

“I want to come out. Or at least fucking say I’m not dating _Shawn_ anymore. I don’t know. I just know that I don’t want to keep sending out those fucking tweets anymore where I’m like _I support the LGBT community_ instead of being like _I’m proud to be a part of this community_ . Because I _am_.”

“ _Camila, we’ve talked about this-_ ”

“And? I don’t care about losing a couple sales.”

“ _You’re still in a relationship with Shawn_.”

“No I’m not, we broke stuff off six months ago.”

“ _Camila-_ ”

“Roger, I am not scared of being gay. I am so much more scared of not living my truth than I am of being gay. If someone cares about me being gay so much in the first place that they don’t want to support me anymore, I didn’t want their _fucking_ support in the first place. Let me come out.”

She heard him let out an exasperated sigh on the other line before groaning, “ _Let me make some calls and I’ll get back to you._ ”

Camila almost does a happy dance right there, but she halts herself, knowing that even though she got some sort of okay from Roger doesn’t mean she’ll get the big okay that she needs.

God, she really hopes that she gets the big okay.

**-**

In an act of what might have been either extreme stupidity or extreme desparity, Camila told Lauren to come over.

In all fairness, Camila was bored.

(Okay, maybe that’s not a great reason, but with Shawn away, she had no entertainment aside from her family and Lauren’s eerily convenient.)

Either way, Lauren was on her way with Camila’s promise of there being food to eat. (Lucky for Lauren, Camila wasn’t the one to cook it, that’d be disastrous.)

Lauren arrived within half an hour, and being that the two girls hadn’t seen each other for over a year at this point, they quickly closed the door behind them before encasing each other in tight hugs. 

“I missed you.” Camila whispered into Lauren’s shoulder, not letting go of her.

They finally parted and Camila looked over Lauren, who looked happy, making Camila’s heart jump. Something about seeing Lauren so calm settled Camila’s racing pulse, and her smile only grew.

“You look good.” Lauren complimented, a small smile played on her lips, “How’ve you been?”

Camila shrugged, leading Lauren through the house and to the kitchen, “I’ve been okay. Shawn was entertaining for the time he was here and now that he’s gone, I’ve been bored.”

Lauren laughed (holy shit, did Camila miss that sound), “Are you using him and I for entertainment?”

Camila scoffed sarcastically, “Never. Can’t believe that you’d ever accuse me of that, Lauren.”

Lauren raised an eyebrow, but didn’t comment further and instead changed the topic, “Have you talked to Dinah yet?”

“I’m glad you think my answer’s changed in the past twelve hours since you asked me last.” Camila responded, pulling out leftover dinner from the fridge. “Oh, also, I may or may not have harassed Roger the other day about coming out.”

“Oh?” Lauren leaned against the counter, “How’d that go?”

“Don’t know,” Camila shrugged, “even if he says no, I was thinking about at least squabbling the rumors that I still hate you.”

Lauren laughed, “I don’t know about that, it’s been five minutes and you haven’t fed me yet, sounds like you hate me.”

Camila rolled her eyes, “Haha, very funny, Lern Jerky.”

“Oh god,” Lauren groaned, “I thought that was finished like… six years ago.”

“Never,” Camila teased, “but… are you okay with letting the shippers know that you’re friends with me?”

Lauren stiffened slightly, and Camila immediately panicked until Lauren replied, “I mean… it’s been eight years and some of them are just never going to learn, so… yeah. I’m never going to like it.”

“I know,” Camila said sympathetically, “but we’re not going to go around posting every other thing about each other. Although I’m not opposed to that.”

Lauren grinned, and Camila grinned too, and although neither one of them spoke, they both knew that the air had finally shifted. The fear had finally left the room.

**august 2020**

Lauren started frequenting Camila’s house.

Camila wasn’t opposed to it, especially as they mutually agreed that they still had feelings for each other and started casually dating.

Casually dating started with homecooked dinners (Lauren was actually pretty good at cooking, which was good for the cooking-inept Camila), but quickly progressed to movie nights and sleepovers. Camila loved it when Lauren slept over, one, entertainment, two, Lauren and her’s friendship had finally clicked back into place and there weren’t awkward dances around things, and three, Lauren was a big snuggler, which Camila was never opposed to.

They eventually agreed on the fact that yes, they were girlfriends, and Camila was happy and Lauren was happy. They still had some obstacles, sure (like telling Dinah and then the rest of the world), but they were finally happy together.

Lauren came up with the idea of finally telling Dinah about a week in, they were splayed out on Camila’s couch and watching some movie that Camila couldn’t name if she tried and eating snacks that they’d found in Camila’s cabinet.

“Just call her.” Lauren said, handing Camila her phone with Dinah’s contact already pulled up.

Camila’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head, “What if she hates me-”

Lauren scoffed, “She doesn’t, Camz, just call her.”

Camila shook her head aggressively, “Yes she does-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Lauren says, hitting the call button and putting it on speaker.

Camila jumped back into the couch, “No! Lauren! Why would you actually call-”

“ _Hey Lauren, what’s up?_ ” Dinah’s voice filtered through the phone, making Camila smile and want to coil up in fear all at the same time.

“Remember that girl I was telling you about a couple of weeks ago?” Lauren asked, making Camila’s heart flutter at the thought of Lauren talking about her while also make her stomach churn in knots.

“ _Yeah? Did you finally get with her?_ ” Dinah asked.

“Well, yeah, about a week ago, we made things official. I wanted to give you her @ so that you could do your whole stalker thing.” Lauren replied, obviously watching Camila’s exasperated expressions.

“ _Ooh, now I’m excited._ ” Dinah responded, “ _What is it?_ ”

“Oh, um, you actually already follow her.” Lauren said, “Type into your thing C A M…”

“ _Wait… you’re not serious_.”

“I don’t know, am I?”

“ _You and Camila are dating?!_ ” Dinah yelled on the other side of the call, not even waiting for Lauren to respond, “ _Finally! Oh my god, Lauren!_ ”

“Yeah, I’m really happy about it, too. Has she talked to you yet?” Camila wanted to bash her skull in when Lauren asked that, but stayed quiet.

“ _No, but I could reach out tomorrow or something. You actually caught me right before I had to go somewhere. Do Mani and Ally know?_ ” Dinah responded, and Camila’s nerves almost got the best of her at the idea of Dinah calling her after all these years of silence on Camila’s end. Dinah _still_ cares.

Everything’s finally coming together.

**-**

Camila wakes up to her phone buzzing loudly on the nightstand.

“Shut up.” Lauren mumbles from where she’s been sleeping next to her.

“I got it,” Camila whispers, sitting up and accepting the call, “What’s up?”

“ _I pulled a bunch of strings,_ ” Roger’s voice comes through and Camila’s eyes go wide, “ _You can come out, with Lauren._ ”

“Oh my god!” Camila exclaims, reaching over and smacking Lauren’s arm.

“What..?”

“We can come out, Laur! Oh my god!” Camila grins, accidentally dropping the phone and wrapping her arms around Lauren in a tight hug.

Although still woozy from just waking up, Lauren wraps her arms around Camila in a tight embrace, both of them just holding each other with nothing but happiness between them.

Later that morning, Camila shows her statement to Lauren, who nods in approval.

She posts it to Twitter, and then settles onto the couch with Lauren snuggled up next to her.

**_camila @camila_cabello · August 20th, 2020_ **   
i’ve been out to friends and family since 2014, but now i can finally say it to you all, i’m gay. it hasn’t exactly been the easiest journey, but in the past eight years since meeting my girlfriend i’ve learned so much about not only myself and her, but also about the world and love as a whole. i am so in love with @laurenjauregui and i don’t care who knows anymore. it’s been one hell of a ride, but i’m so happy to be here, with her. i love you and i love lern jergi.

**→ dinahjane97** So happy for you two!! and I KNEW ALL ALONG!!

**→** **chelsea_briggs** Oh my god! So proud of you two!

**→** **normani** this took too long

**→** **allybrooke** Y’all need to call me

**→** **laurenjauregui** Love you ❤️

**→** **claramjaureg** Happy for you….!!

**laurenjauregui** followed **camila_cabello**

**camila_cabello** followed **laurenjauregui**

**_-_ **

**_the end_ **

ps: camila's tweet was supposed to be an Instagram post, but the photos were giving me a hard time. thanks for reading!


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